9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize