I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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