i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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