hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
