omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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