dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
