Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
