The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
