You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
