I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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