So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
