was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
