We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
as a side note pls kill me
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