I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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