omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
