What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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