He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
