we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she pinky promised me she was 18
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
