her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
