If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
