I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
