Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
