Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
