just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
