five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
