Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
