We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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