Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
