If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We need to rekindle our bromance
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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