remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
