I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
