I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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