I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
