he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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