It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
