Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
