I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
