$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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