Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
His nipple licking is glorious
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