I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
