3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
