Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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