you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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