My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
