dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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