What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
