she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
