never play flip cup with pint glasses
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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