Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
are you so shy because you have an std?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
