Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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