New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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