If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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