Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
