Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize