Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You're like the curious george of whores
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
