So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The uberlube is also flammable
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
