I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
