I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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