There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
