i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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