i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
