the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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