Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
